our reward

We live in a culture that believes, at its core, that children are a burden rather than a blessing. Don’t believe me? Consider how quick people are to suggest postponing parenthood—wait until you are more financially stable, give yourselves some time to just enjoy being married, pursue your career for a while first, and so forth. While all these pursuits are valuable and valid, my point is that they betray a belief that children keep us from enjoying life to the fullest. They suck up our financial resources, place strain on our romance, and distract from our professional success.

At least, that’s what the world thinks. And for a long time, though I may not have put it in exactly those terms, I believed it too. If I was honest, I wasn’t really sure I wanted to have kids. And if I was really, really honest, it was because of how much it would cost me. (Fortunately, God changed my heart!)

God thinks differently than we do. Look what He says about children: “Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb is a reward” (Psalm 127:3). This doesn’t apply only to children born in ideal circumstances, but to all children. He names all children, reward! That is strong language!

I believe being a parent is the hardest job. Ever. In the middle of the stress, it’s easy to forget that I’m handling precious material—my rewards. It’s easy to be frustrated, to lose my cool, to obsess over household activities, to complain about my daughter’s attitude or my son’s aggression—really, to forget the incredible value intrinsic in each of these little people running around my home.

It’s like I’ve won the lottery. And my prize is three (so far!) unique, made-in-the-image-of-God children. God is trusting me with His rewards, trusting me to shape them gently, to love them into greatness in Him. What an incredible prize; what an unbelievable honor!

breaking it down

in my last post i talked about fasting from negativity. it sounds simple enough, right? but when i first tried to implement it in my life, i ran into a problem. if i wasn’t saying anything negative, how did i talk about difficult situations? what should i say when someone did something hurtful or when i’d had a rough day? or should i say nothing at all? how could i avoid negativity without faking it?

i realized i did not have a clear definition for negative speech. but God, in His grace, has since helped me to identify two levels of negativity that have illumined my way forward.

level 1: basic negativity

this is what we initially think of as negative speech (“i hate when it rains”; “his shirt is so weird”; “the pastor really missed it today in church”; and so forth). fighting this sort of negativity is simple. keep your mouth shut. no one needs to know your opinion on the rain, that man’s shirt, or the pastor’s sermon. you are offering completely unnecessary information. even better–find something positive to say. if you must comment, then say something about how the rain will help the farmers or bring cooler weather. tell me that you appreciate the diversity God’s created within us. remind me of the grace with which the pastor serves God and his people.

level 2: hard times negativity

this is where my struggle arose. i didn’t understand that most of us are negative about our difficult situations because we are controlled by our emotional responses (and not in control of them). for example, if someone asks about my day, and it’s been a rough one, i can say “my day sucked!” or i can say, “i’ve had a hard day.” do you see the difference?

the first response is emotionally-driven and is barfing blame on others or on the situation. the second response does not deny the reality of a hard day, but is mature enough to omit the emotional mess (submit it to the Spirit) and own the responsibility of the personal pronoun. sometimes our negativity is fostered by a victim mentality. negativity is a “victim’s” mother tongue. when we believe ourselves captive to our situations, we do not acknowledge that we always choose our response and that we can blame no one but ourselves, no matter how horrible our situation. in the same way, when we recognize the power God has given us to choose His attitudes, to be content in all things, we find the freedom of positive words.

for most of us, this will mean radical change. it will not be easy. we are so used to cozying up with negative and critical words. we find a certain comfort in it. but negativity will compromise the Lord’s destiny for your life. so ask God for creative ideas for how to express truthfully, yet positively, the difficult elements of your life. (This will also come in very handy during conflict and confrontation.)

He is the most creative person in the universe, and He made you in His image. you have within you the seeds of creativity, so use them to find your positive words. no longer do you need to deflect to boring and unimaginative negative words. no, you are free and powerful; you have the mind of Christ.

fasting forward

we often think of fasting in the context of food, but the sort of fast i am about to propose is much more difficult (in my opinion) than any food fast. i propose a negativity fast.

initially this may not seem so hard to you. but try it. see how long you can go without saying something negative or critical. five minutes? ten minutes? if you’re really good, maybe 15? (or if you’re sleeping or completely alone…) hopefully the realization of your propensity toward negativity is sobering. as christians we like to think we’re pretty good people, but God doesn’t say much good about negative and critical people.

Ephesians 4:29 says, “Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear” (NASB).

If our positive words literally impart grace to people, as this verse indicates, then we can assume that our negative words hinder or even remove grace from the hearers. grace is God’s empowerment to live in victory; it’s what enables us to live in the Spirit and to embrace God’s ways and thoughts. hindering grace in our own lives or someone else’s is no joking matter.

No wonder God refers to negative words throughout the Bible as “curses.” our words really do impart life or death to the people and situations we encounter (see Prov. 18:21).

so here’s my challenge. commit yourself to a life-long negativity fast. sure, you’ll mess up plenty of times, but at least you’ll be actively fighting the current of our culture and human nature. at least you’ll have a high bar to reach for rather than simply living at status quo. challenge yourself to speak words that impart grace. imagine the difference it would make in your relationships if you always spoke words designed to build up and encourage (even in confrontation).

the possibility truly is heaven on earth! when you live with heaven’s attitudes (blessing rather than cursing, grace rather than condemnation), live as Bill Johnson says “from heaven toward earth,” you will bring the realities of heaven into your earthly relationships and circumstances.

this really could be life-changing.

saint theresa and me

This sculpture, the Ecstasy of Saint Theresa, by Bernini, has touched me more deeply than any other piece of visual art (I know little about art from a technical standpoint and offer here only my unprofessional observations).

For me, this sculpture has always stood as an invitation. It is like a good mystery. There she is, in rapture, but how did she get there? What does it feel like? Can she see the angel, feel the arrow of divine love? Does she recover? After how long?

And what about me? What would I do in the same situation? Is such an encounter possible for me? Do I even desire it? Would I run, or would I let the arrow pierce me, come what may?

One thing is sure; her rapture was so great that it is now memorialized in a chapel in Rome. in a sense, her rapture (the signifier) is unending here, just as it is in Heaven.

it calls to me now. and i would like to be so open.

ideas or encounter?

in my last post i discussed the importance of spending daily time with God. perhaps you wonder what that should look like. or maybe you'd tell me you already tried it... and it was absolutely boring. or maybe you don't want to believe it's boring because that shames your religious ideals, but your experience (and inability to stick with it) testify to a different story.

so i must clarify.

when i say, "spend time with God" i do not mean, "think about God" or "read about God." when i spend time with my husband, he's in the room and we're communicating and connecting at a heart level. it should be no different with God. rather, it should be deeper.

but if you grew up in the church, you have most likely been taught to relate to God with your mind, not your heart... and certainly not your spirit. The problem is that God's mind is very different from ours (see Isaiah 55:8-9). Repeatedly the Bible speaks of a reformation in our minds:

"And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect. " (Romans 12:2)

this verse demonstrates the problem with mind-driven "time with God." our minds (until they are renewed) are conformed to this world. that does not refer simply to immoral thoughts, but also to sins like unbelief or reliance on human reasoning. the second half of the verse says we will only know God's will when we have transcended our carnal way of thinking, our human unbelief and logic, through the renewing of our minds. clearly, if we hope to walk with God, this renewing is of utmost urgency.

in First Corinthians 2:16, Paul says that "...We have the mind of Christ." that is our goal. First Corinthians 2 is all about refusing to rely on human wisdom, but relying instead on the Spirit--both power and spiritual wisdom. that's what it means to have the mind of Christ. literally, it means being so connected to Heaven that we allow our thoughts and ways of thinking to be overcome by His. then we, like Jesus, begin to only say and do what we see and hear from the Father (see John 5:19).

so let's get practical. what does this mean for your time with God? i am not advocating no more Bible reading. the Bible is an essential tool in renewing our minds, and we need to read it every day. but we must do more than read, study, and think. we must welcome a spirit-to-spirit encounter with God.

Jesus said, "...And he who loves Me will be loved by My Father, and I will love him and manifest Myself to him.”

invite the Holy Spirit to manifest (reveal) Jesus to you. then wait. wait until you encounter God. you may not feel anything physically or receive a deep revelation, but you will know when you've encountered God because you will be changed. Second Corinthians 3:18 says, "But we all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as from the Lord, the Spirit." When we encounter Him, we are changed, and we become more like Him.

don't settle for less than a daily encounter. only in His presence is the fullness of joy (see Psalm 16:11). only in encountering Him do we find the love, the wisdom, the power needed for a victorious life.

excuses

when i was in college, i was (like all college students) extremely busy. i've heard it said that college life consists of three things, study, socializing, and sleep, and you can only pick 2 of the 3. juggling such a life left me always feeling like i wasn't quite living up to my personal standards and desires. something was always lagging, or missing. like never before, i learned the limitations of time.

in that atmosphere of demands beyond my ability, i found myself making excuses about spending time with God. i'd grown up with God. talking to Him was almost as natural for me as thinking. the way i saw it, i was continually carrying on a divine conversation in my head. perhaps it's just old fashioned and religious to think i need a regular "devotional" time. isn't God more organic than that? do i really need to put Him in my planner? can such structure really even have life... especially when it's just another thing on my too-long list of things to do? or so was my reasoning. and though i still read my Bible and prayed often (especially when i was responsible for leading something or life felt particularly desperate), i did not have a regular, daily time of prayer. (i also used my busyness during those years as an excuse for eliminating sabbath rest from my life.)

after living this lifestyle of excuses for several years, i met my husband mark. he saw things differently. rather than asking whether i had time to pray, he asked whether i could live a life of peace and victory without praying. was i overwhelmed by the stress in my life? was i too often short with others or negative about life? though i didn't want to admit it, the answer was yes. and what about the gifts and fruit of the Spirit? was i consistently manifesting them, even on my hard days? did i consistently take hold of the grace available to me, through faith, to live and act according to the mind of Christ? i had to admit that, though i had a lot of good beliefs about such things, my performance was not brilliant.

mark has modeled for me the tenacity of one who values time with God more than anything. for him it's not a religious duty he needs to fulfill. rather, it's his air, his breathing. he cannot handle life (who can, really?) without a daily encounter with the divine. from him i learned that the Bible really means it when it says "In Your presence is the fullness of joy" and "at Your right hand are pleasures forever more." (See Psalm 16:11.) Through joining mark in his pursuit, i discovered that when you really taste the goodness of God's presence, you cannot ever get enough... and nothing will stand between you and the desire of your heart.

can you live the Christian life without a daily devotional? yes. i did it for several years. and that entire time i was growing in my walk and even leading others. but i was not living victoriously. i was not living with God's perspective and power in my daily moments. i think it's very possible to be a growing Christian without a regular time with God. but i'm not convinced it's possible to live the Kingdom lifestyle (on earth as it is in heaven) without daily, prolonged communion with the King.

i'm no longer in college. but as a mother of two, my life is busier than ever. we are all busy; we all have excuses we can make. but rather than making excuses, let's make choices. none of us is so busy that meeting with God is impossible. and even if we were, we do not have to be slaves to our schedules (or our kids). the sacrifices are not always easy; but the choice is always available. for me, as a mother of young children, the sacrifice i have to make is sleep. for you, it may be something else.

sometimes we fill our lives with many good things and in the process miss the one or two really important things that God has set before us. let's evaluate our schedules and priorities. where are we going? what do our daily decisions say about us, and where will they take us? if the bliss of intimacy with God is on the top of our list, we must find a way, a place, a time (He will help us! and the reward will be so sweet!) to commune with our Lord, to lean into His kindness, everyday.

falling forward

it's saturday evening. much has transpired since my first fast in 3 and a half years. the kids and i have weathered another four days without mark; we've also weathered some colds and vomiting (as my parents' neighbors set off fireworks to celebrate the new year, i was fiercely embracing the toilet). i also received the highest paying job of my editing career yet, watched a great movie, and had a wonderful visit with old friends. it's been an eventful week.

so what of my fast? i made it. i kept food outside of my mouth for the allotted time, yet i ended feeling like it was a failure. rather than embracing my fast as i hoped to (and preached to mark about for years), i gave into my flesh and watched the clock. i didn't savor; i endured. don't get me wrong. failure is not a bad thing. and neither is endurance. failure, when viewed correctly, is simply a stepping stone forward. and endurance is always good, especially when you're in a desperate situation.

but i had chosen this fast, longed for it and anticipated it. yet in the moment, i could not savor the sweetness of communion. it was definitely humbling.

it is okay, though... more than okay, really. i received a reminder of my own frailty, of my tendency to talk more than i've experienced. i also received a greater measure of patience for others when they end early because i've been reminded that at the most basic gut-level, fasting is hard and not at all fun. best of all, Jesus was still delighted with my fast, honored by the sacrifice. yet he still invites me deeper, invites me to place of savoring him rather than hungering for food. my appetite whetted, i will keep leaning into this no-fun, hard discipline because on the other side (somewhere) i know must be bliss.