Naming the Kids

Often choosing a soon-to-be-born baby’s name can create quite a stir. Parents determined to find the perfect name for their little one spend hours researching names and their meanings. In the Bible, names were often symbolic of a person’s character. God even several times changed a person’s name to indicate a personal transformation (Abram to Abraham, Jacob to Israel, Simon to Peter, and Saul to Paul). Clearly, the names we choose for our children are important. Names are a declaration of destiny.

However, we often forget the significance of “everyday names.” An “everyday name” is not the name you’d put on an official paper for the doctor’s office or elementary school. It’s not even your thought-through nickname. But you may mutter it under your breath or use it while telling your friends your parenting woes.

We have all heard it. Many of us do it—in the heat of the moment—without even realizing it. “My daughter is so stubborn. She never listens.” “That boy is so lazy. He’s never going to amount to much.” “Why do you have to be so....” And so forth. Yet God says that life and death are in the power of the tongue (see Prov. 18:21). In other words, we truly name our children over and over by the words we say about them on a day-to-day basis—by the adjectives we use to describe them.

Do you want to see good things in your children’s lives? Do you want them to succeed? I’m sure you do. So ask the Lord to give you His heart for them and to allow you to see pieces of their destiny. Ask Him how He will use particular aspects of their personalities for His glory. Then speak to and about your children accordingly. God has given us the power to create realities with our words. Every morning, speak out their destinies; it will change their lives (and yours). Here is an example from my life with my children.

I thank You, God, that my children are lovers of You. They are full of peace and joy, they are kind to others, and they are receptive to truth. I thank You for their sensitivity—that You are teaching them to hear Your voice, to understand spiritual matters, and to have Your heart for others. Thank You for the determined spirit in them, that You are training them to have unflinching, bold, risky faith in You and to accomplish much for Your Kingdom! Amen.

in His image

“In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth...” (Genesis 1:1).

“Then God said, ‘Let Us make man in Our image...’” (Genesis 1:26).

In the Bible, the first thing we learn about God is that He is creative—the Creator of all. God could have started the Bible (the revelation of Himself to us) with any of His attributes—His sovereignty, His omniscience, His power, His glory—yet He chose to highlight His creativity.

The first thing we learn about humanity is that we are made in God’s image. In Genesis chapter 1, all that God has revealed of Himself thus far is that He is creative (though His attributes are many). Thus, we can learn that not only are we made to be creative, but that it is a very significant part of our humanity.

For busy people, it is easy to forget our need to create. If you're a busy stay-at-home-mom like you, you may think, I’ve procreated... and now I have no time for anything else! But Genesis 1 tells us that creativity is an essential part of our humanity and our relationship with God—and we are more alive when we live “in His image.”

I certainly have seen this in small ways in my own life. I am a poet; I love both reading and writing. I also am fascinated with cooking and baking. Successfully preparing a new, fantastically tasty dish makes me almost ecstatic, especially if it looks beautiful too! Your creative outlets may be different. Perhaps you love painting or organizing or scrapbooking or building car models or rearranging your furniture...the options are myriad.

Engaging in small acts of creativity renews my excitement for life, my sense of fulfillment, and my connection to God—the Creator! It also increases my ability to connect with my husband and children because I am more alive myself and because I begin to draw out creativity in them as well.

Here’s my challenge to you: Find a small act of creativity that you enjoy and that realistically fits with your schedule, and then do it wholeheartedly and regularly! God will meet you in it, and you will be a more joyful and fulfilled person because of it!

our reward

We live in a culture that believes, at its core, that children are a burden rather than a blessing. Don’t believe me? Consider how quick people are to suggest postponing parenthood—wait until you are more financially stable, give yourselves some time to just enjoy being married, pursue your career for a while first, and so forth. While all these pursuits are valuable and valid, my point is that they betray a belief that children keep us from enjoying life to the fullest. They suck up our financial resources, place strain on our romance, and distract from our professional success.

At least, that’s what the world thinks. And for a long time, though I may not have put it in exactly those terms, I believed it too. If I was honest, I wasn’t really sure I wanted to have kids. And if I was really, really honest, it was because of how much it would cost me. (Fortunately, God changed my heart!)

God thinks differently than we do. Look what He says about children: “Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb is a reward” (Psalm 127:3). This doesn’t apply only to children born in ideal circumstances, but to all children. He names all children, reward! That is strong language!

I believe being a parent is the hardest job. Ever. In the middle of the stress, it’s easy to forget that I’m handling precious material—my rewards. It’s easy to be frustrated, to lose my cool, to obsess over household activities, to complain about my daughter’s attitude or my son’s aggression—really, to forget the incredible value intrinsic in each of these little people running around my home.

It’s like I’ve won the lottery. And my prize is three (so far!) unique, made-in-the-image-of-God children. God is trusting me with His rewards, trusting me to shape them gently, to love them into greatness in Him. What an incredible prize; what an unbelievable honor!

breaking it down

in my last post i talked about fasting from negativity. it sounds simple enough, right? but when i first tried to implement it in my life, i ran into a problem. if i wasn’t saying anything negative, how did i talk about difficult situations? what should i say when someone did something hurtful or when i’d had a rough day? or should i say nothing at all? how could i avoid negativity without faking it?

i realized i did not have a clear definition for negative speech. but God, in His grace, has since helped me to identify two levels of negativity that have illumined my way forward.

level 1: basic negativity

this is what we initially think of as negative speech (“i hate when it rains”; “his shirt is so weird”; “the pastor really missed it today in church”; and so forth). fighting this sort of negativity is simple. keep your mouth shut. no one needs to know your opinion on the rain, that man’s shirt, or the pastor’s sermon. you are offering completely unnecessary information. even better–find something positive to say. if you must comment, then say something about how the rain will help the farmers or bring cooler weather. tell me that you appreciate the diversity God’s created within us. remind me of the grace with which the pastor serves God and his people.

level 2: hard times negativity

this is where my struggle arose. i didn’t understand that most of us are negative about our difficult situations because we are controlled by our emotional responses (and not in control of them). for example, if someone asks about my day, and it’s been a rough one, i can say “my day sucked!” or i can say, “i’ve had a hard day.” do you see the difference?

the first response is emotionally-driven and is barfing blame on others or on the situation. the second response does not deny the reality of a hard day, but is mature enough to omit the emotional mess (submit it to the Spirit) and own the responsibility of the personal pronoun. sometimes our negativity is fostered by a victim mentality. negativity is a “victim’s” mother tongue. when we believe ourselves captive to our situations, we do not acknowledge that we always choose our response and that we can blame no one but ourselves, no matter how horrible our situation. in the same way, when we recognize the power God has given us to choose His attitudes, to be content in all things, we find the freedom of positive words.

for most of us, this will mean radical change. it will not be easy. we are so used to cozying up with negative and critical words. we find a certain comfort in it. but negativity will compromise the Lord’s destiny for your life. so ask God for creative ideas for how to express truthfully, yet positively, the difficult elements of your life. (This will also come in very handy during conflict and confrontation.)

He is the most creative person in the universe, and He made you in His image. you have within you the seeds of creativity, so use them to find your positive words. no longer do you need to deflect to boring and unimaginative negative words. no, you are free and powerful; you have the mind of Christ.

fasting forward

we often think of fasting in the context of food, but the sort of fast i am about to propose is much more difficult (in my opinion) than any food fast. i propose a negativity fast.

initially this may not seem so hard to you. but try it. see how long you can go without saying something negative or critical. five minutes? ten minutes? if you’re really good, maybe 15? (or if you’re sleeping or completely alone…) hopefully the realization of your propensity toward negativity is sobering. as christians we like to think we’re pretty good people, but God doesn’t say much good about negative and critical people.

Ephesians 4:29 says, “Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear” (NASB).

If our positive words literally impart grace to people, as this verse indicates, then we can assume that our negative words hinder or even remove grace from the hearers. grace is God’s empowerment to live in victory; it’s what enables us to live in the Spirit and to embrace God’s ways and thoughts. hindering grace in our own lives or someone else’s is no joking matter.

No wonder God refers to negative words throughout the Bible as “curses.” our words really do impart life or death to the people and situations we encounter (see Prov. 18:21).

so here’s my challenge. commit yourself to a life-long negativity fast. sure, you’ll mess up plenty of times, but at least you’ll be actively fighting the current of our culture and human nature. at least you’ll have a high bar to reach for rather than simply living at status quo. challenge yourself to speak words that impart grace. imagine the difference it would make in your relationships if you always spoke words designed to build up and encourage (even in confrontation).

the possibility truly is heaven on earth! when you live with heaven’s attitudes (blessing rather than cursing, grace rather than condemnation), live as Bill Johnson says “from heaven toward earth,” you will bring the realities of heaven into your earthly relationships and circumstances.

this really could be life-changing.

saint theresa and me

This sculpture, the Ecstasy of Saint Theresa, by Bernini, has touched me more deeply than any other piece of visual art (I know little about art from a technical standpoint and offer here only my unprofessional observations).

For me, this sculpture has always stood as an invitation. It is like a good mystery. There she is, in rapture, but how did she get there? What does it feel like? Can she see the angel, feel the arrow of divine love? Does she recover? After how long?

And what about me? What would I do in the same situation? Is such an encounter possible for me? Do I even desire it? Would I run, or would I let the arrow pierce me, come what may?

One thing is sure; her rapture was so great that it is now memorialized in a chapel in Rome. in a sense, her rapture (the signifier) is unending here, just as it is in Heaven.

it calls to me now. and i would like to be so open.

ideas or encounter?

in my last post i discussed the importance of spending daily time with God. perhaps you wonder what that should look like. or maybe you'd tell me you already tried it... and it was absolutely boring. or maybe you don't want to believe it's boring because that shames your religious ideals, but your experience (and inability to stick with it) testify to a different story.

so i must clarify.

when i say, "spend time with God" i do not mean, "think about God" or "read about God." when i spend time with my husband, he's in the room and we're communicating and connecting at a heart level. it should be no different with God. rather, it should be deeper.

but if you grew up in the church, you have most likely been taught to relate to God with your mind, not your heart... and certainly not your spirit. The problem is that God's mind is very different from ours (see Isaiah 55:8-9). Repeatedly the Bible speaks of a reformation in our minds:

"And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect. " (Romans 12:2)

this verse demonstrates the problem with mind-driven "time with God." our minds (until they are renewed) are conformed to this world. that does not refer simply to immoral thoughts, but also to sins like unbelief or reliance on human reasoning. the second half of the verse says we will only know God's will when we have transcended our carnal way of thinking, our human unbelief and logic, through the renewing of our minds. clearly, if we hope to walk with God, this renewing is of utmost urgency.

in First Corinthians 2:16, Paul says that "...We have the mind of Christ." that is our goal. First Corinthians 2 is all about refusing to rely on human wisdom, but relying instead on the Spirit--both power and spiritual wisdom. that's what it means to have the mind of Christ. literally, it means being so connected to Heaven that we allow our thoughts and ways of thinking to be overcome by His. then we, like Jesus, begin to only say and do what we see and hear from the Father (see John 5:19).

so let's get practical. what does this mean for your time with God? i am not advocating no more Bible reading. the Bible is an essential tool in renewing our minds, and we need to read it every day. but we must do more than read, study, and think. we must welcome a spirit-to-spirit encounter with God.

Jesus said, "...And he who loves Me will be loved by My Father, and I will love him and manifest Myself to him.”

invite the Holy Spirit to manifest (reveal) Jesus to you. then wait. wait until you encounter God. you may not feel anything physically or receive a deep revelation, but you will know when you've encountered God because you will be changed. Second Corinthians 3:18 says, "But we all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as from the Lord, the Spirit." When we encounter Him, we are changed, and we become more like Him.

don't settle for less than a daily encounter. only in His presence is the fullness of joy (see Psalm 16:11). only in encountering Him do we find the love, the wisdom, the power needed for a victorious life.

excuses

when i was in college, i was (like all college students) extremely busy. i've heard it said that college life consists of three things, study, socializing, and sleep, and you can only pick 2 of the 3. juggling such a life left me always feeling like i wasn't quite living up to my personal standards and desires. something was always lagging, or missing. like never before, i learned the limitations of time.

in that atmosphere of demands beyond my ability, i found myself making excuses about spending time with God. i'd grown up with God. talking to Him was almost as natural for me as thinking. the way i saw it, i was continually carrying on a divine conversation in my head. perhaps it's just old fashioned and religious to think i need a regular "devotional" time. isn't God more organic than that? do i really need to put Him in my planner? can such structure really even have life... especially when it's just another thing on my too-long list of things to do? or so was my reasoning. and though i still read my Bible and prayed often (especially when i was responsible for leading something or life felt particularly desperate), i did not have a regular, daily time of prayer. (i also used my busyness during those years as an excuse for eliminating sabbath rest from my life.)

after living this lifestyle of excuses for several years, i met my husband mark. he saw things differently. rather than asking whether i had time to pray, he asked whether i could live a life of peace and victory without praying. was i overwhelmed by the stress in my life? was i too often short with others or negative about life? though i didn't want to admit it, the answer was yes. and what about the gifts and fruit of the Spirit? was i consistently manifesting them, even on my hard days? did i consistently take hold of the grace available to me, through faith, to live and act according to the mind of Christ? i had to admit that, though i had a lot of good beliefs about such things, my performance was not brilliant.

mark has modeled for me the tenacity of one who values time with God more than anything. for him it's not a religious duty he needs to fulfill. rather, it's his air, his breathing. he cannot handle life (who can, really?) without a daily encounter with the divine. from him i learned that the Bible really means it when it says "In Your presence is the fullness of joy" and "at Your right hand are pleasures forever more." (See Psalm 16:11.) Through joining mark in his pursuit, i discovered that when you really taste the goodness of God's presence, you cannot ever get enough... and nothing will stand between you and the desire of your heart.

can you live the Christian life without a daily devotional? yes. i did it for several years. and that entire time i was growing in my walk and even leading others. but i was not living victoriously. i was not living with God's perspective and power in my daily moments. i think it's very possible to be a growing Christian without a regular time with God. but i'm not convinced it's possible to live the Kingdom lifestyle (on earth as it is in heaven) without daily, prolonged communion with the King.

i'm no longer in college. but as a mother of two, my life is busier than ever. we are all busy; we all have excuses we can make. but rather than making excuses, let's make choices. none of us is so busy that meeting with God is impossible. and even if we were, we do not have to be slaves to our schedules (or our kids). the sacrifices are not always easy; but the choice is always available. for me, as a mother of young children, the sacrifice i have to make is sleep. for you, it may be something else.

sometimes we fill our lives with many good things and in the process miss the one or two really important things that God has set before us. let's evaluate our schedules and priorities. where are we going? what do our daily decisions say about us, and where will they take us? if the bliss of intimacy with God is on the top of our list, we must find a way, a place, a time (He will help us! and the reward will be so sweet!) to commune with our Lord, to lean into His kindness, everyday.

falling forward

it's saturday evening. much has transpired since my first fast in 3 and a half years. the kids and i have weathered another four days without mark; we've also weathered some colds and vomiting (as my parents' neighbors set off fireworks to celebrate the new year, i was fiercely embracing the toilet). i also received the highest paying job of my editing career yet, watched a great movie, and had a wonderful visit with old friends. it's been an eventful week.

so what of my fast? i made it. i kept food outside of my mouth for the allotted time, yet i ended feeling like it was a failure. rather than embracing my fast as i hoped to (and preached to mark about for years), i gave into my flesh and watched the clock. i didn't savor; i endured. don't get me wrong. failure is not a bad thing. and neither is endurance. failure, when viewed correctly, is simply a stepping stone forward. and endurance is always good, especially when you're in a desperate situation.

but i had chosen this fast, longed for it and anticipated it. yet in the moment, i could not savor the sweetness of communion. it was definitely humbling.

it is okay, though... more than okay, really. i received a reminder of my own frailty, of my tendency to talk more than i've experienced. i also received a greater measure of patience for others when they end early because i've been reminded that at the most basic gut-level, fasting is hard and not at all fun. best of all, Jesus was still delighted with my fast, honored by the sacrifice. yet he still invites me deeper, invites me to place of savoring him rather than hungering for food. my appetite whetted, i will keep leaning into this no-fun, hard discipline because on the other side (somewhere) i know must be bliss.

something i used to do

this week marks the first time in three and a half years that i am neither breast-feeding (pumping) nor pregnant. it's a small accomplishment, but for me it primarily means that i am once again eligible to complete a total food fast (i.e. just liquids). perhaps it's strange that this is my first "celebration" of the return of my hormones to the normal (or at least non-maternal) female state. certainly motherhood in itself is a sort of fasting -- fasting from independence, from the ability to do what i want when i want. and during my second pregnancy i did not eat any desserts, which definitely qualified as a fast. still, i have hungered for more.

as a teenager, i developed the habit of fasting one day a week because that was what my father had done for as long as i could remember. it just seemed like the right and normal thing for someone who loved God to do. my understanding back then was pretty limited; i had more than one "milkshake fast," and my lack of food rarely increased my prayer time. still, i learned one thing: fasting is doable. though i remember no significant encounter or even meaningful prayer time directly connected to fasting, i found myself week after week as a junior and senior in high school, sitting with my friends in the cafeteria, but eating nothing. it became normal for me. i knew i could do it. i believed probably anyone could do it.

in college i continued my fasting schedule, sometimes consistently and something sporadically, but my prayer life and hunger for God increased so that when i did fast, i saw the spiritual fruit in my life. after an 8-day fast my junior year, i became absolutely convinced that fasting is one of the most incredible experiences in the world. it's hard to explain. but it has something to do with the way God meets me when i'm physically weak and cold and so desperate for a cheeseburger. really, it's one of those things that can't be explained, but only experienced (perhaps i should be writing a poem about it instead... ).

by the end of college i was convinced that one day i would do a 40 day fast. i felt a tremendous sense of anticipation, wondering what kind of ecstasy might meet me. then a year later i got married and promptly became pregnant. of course, pregnancy and motherhood have been wonderful. but i have missed fasting and talked often about the day when i would no longer be pregnant or nursing.

so here i am. my excuses are gone. talking about it is no longer good enough.

do i have the strength to make good on my words? to resume a former habit? to flesh out my theory with hunger pains? i feel nervous. but in my heart i know that turning down such an invitation would be more painful than any missed meal.

i have decided. this tuesday begins my first fast in years. mark is at the one thing conference, so it seems like God-appropriate timing (i have no divine sign commanding a fast, but simply the smile of invitation). how long i will go has yet to be decided. i realize that this is like starting all over. my body (not to mention my mind and emotions) is not used to it. reason would say, "take it slow." so i will listen to reason, but i will listen to my heart too. we shall see what happens.

the dream

i recently watched a video of mike bickle sharing about the history of the international house of prayer (IHOP). for years before IHOP started he had a sign on the wall at his church that read "24/7 prayer in the spirit of the tabernacle of david." they'd received a clear prophetic word that they were called to do that someday, but they didn't really know what that meant. people would read the sign and ask about it, and mike would say, "we know we're called to do it, but we don't really know what it means or what it'll look like." years later, after IHOP had been going for 4-5 years, people started coming to mike and saying, "you're living your dream! i saw that sign on your wall all those years ago, and now you're doing it!"

mike would say, "no, IHOP is not my dream. it's my assignment, and i'm thankful for it. but it's not my dream. my dream is what happens between me and God in the secret place, it's being as close to Him as any human can possibly be. so if IHOP succeeds, my dream isn't helped. and if IHOP fails, my dream isn't hurt." (To watch the video, see "Prophetic History Session 1" at http://www.ihop.org/Group/Group.aspx?ID=1000047932.)

mike's dream statement struck me hard. i had to ask myself, "how would i respond if the ministry i'd poured myself into fell apart? would i feel hurt, disappointed, rejected, depressed, purposeless, angry...?" honestly, i don't think i would ride ministry crisis as smoothly as mike bickle. but i want to. i want my dream to truly be that one thing.

"One thing I have asked from the Lord, that I shall seek; that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to behold the beauty of the Lord and to meditate in His temple" (Ps. 27:4).

it is so easy to find our identity in what we do or dream of doing for God. it is so easy to let that be the driving force in our lives, rather than intimacy. but only when we stop taking ourselves and our assignments so seriously (it's not that we don't work hard, but just that we don't become so self-important) will we be able to truly lean in and behold the uncreated One.

nursing strike

i've found breastfeeding my babies to be one of the most beautiful and enjoyable parts of motherhood. i nursed my daughter, abigail, until she was 15 months old (and i was pregnant again). but just this week my son, evan, who will be 9 months old tomorrow, decided to stop nursing. it's been a harrowing couple of days trying to figure out if something's wrong and how to move forward from here. (we still don't have answers. he refuses to drink anything from breast, cup, or bottle, and seems perpetually unhappy, which is not normal for him.)

so on day three of this--in the midst of trying to get him to drink and eat, enduring his screaming, attempting to give abigail some attention, making many calls to the doctor, using the lonely, cold breast pump, missing my happy little man--i paused. in that moment, i felt the sort of desperation i have not felt in a long time, and i said, "God, is there something i can learn in all of this? please, i need a piece of your goodness to just soak in in the midst of this insanity."

immediately i heard him speak to my spirit, "imagine how i feel when my children deny themselves the food they need. think of how it affects them and how it affects me."

that was all i needed. i had gained heaven's perspective, and though it didn't resolve my stressful situation, it enabled me to see beyond my natural circumstances, to see with understanding. it reminded me that God grieves even more when i go on "nursing strike"--when i deny myself the nourishment of his presence and word. and with that insight into his heart for me, i resolved once again to lean in hard, to drink past intoxication in his presence.

greasy friends

i've often heard proponents of so called "greasy grace" criticized for their theology of "it doesn't matter if i sin because God'll forgive me." certainly this attitude is not the heart of the gospel. instead, it is a deep offense to God's affection for us. having formed my beliefs regarding "greasy grace" quickly, i never took much time to think further on the subject; it seemed too obvious.

lately, however, i have encountered (perhaps recognized would be more accurate) an off-shoot of "greasy grace" that relates not to God, but to other Christians. the scenario goes something like this:

the greasy gracer feels confident that her friends will forgive her oversights, her abuses, her laziness. they won't complain when she returns their nearly new DVD with a big, new scratch; they won't get angry when she backs out of her committments and inconveniences them; they won't feel slighted when she asks them to do her a favor (repeatedly) for free. no, she knows that emotions like anger and frustration and greed (or the appearance of them) aren't very godly, so she feels comfortable with this subtle abuse of and disrespect toward their friendship. certain she doesn't think of it in these terms. she believes she treats others the way she wants them to treat her. she believes Christians should be one big community freely giving and taking without boundaries; after all, that's what they did in the book of Acts, right?

i've never felt comfortable with this perspective, but could not explain my unease... until now. now i see that this dependence upon the good will (grace, if you will) of others is simply laziness and disrespect. when i say to God, "i know i shouldn't do this, but i don't feel like exerting the effort to discipline myself, and i know you'll forgive me...", i am essentially saying, "i don't really care about your heart. your friendship isn't that important to me." and it's the same with others. when i value a friendship, i go out of my way to serve and bless the other person. i do my best to not become a burden to them because of my mistakes or laziness. certainly i know they will have grace for me when i fail, and i am so thankful for that, but i value them so much that i would never determine my actions by measuring how far i can stretch their grace. i value their unique personality and abilities and do not take their help or time for granted. (i would not expect them to do for me for free what they would otherwise be paid for.)

(as a side note, the stories from the book of Acts are historical accounts of what happened. but no where in the Bible does God command us to emulate the actions of the early church. certainly they did many things right, but they made their mistakes too. we must be careful about translating events into commands. in other words, their efforts at community are not intended as a blueprint for us. we can learn from it, but we cannot make it into doctrine.)

so what does this have to do with leaning?

in my first post i mentioned two kinds of leaning: leaning on (due to weakness) and leaning in (pursuit). i now must add a third (negative) type: leaning against (due to laziness). i want to always lean in and to lean on when i need to, but may i never lean against God or others out of laziness!

Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord (Romans 12:10-11 NIV).

an introduction

"Who is this coming up from the wilderness leaning on her beloved?"
-Song of Solomon 8:5

in a culture that is increasingly individualistic and independent, this blog is about my journey toward dependence, toward "leaning" on my beloved. i grew up thinking i could do and understand a lot of things. but in his kindness, Jesus has begun to show me my weakness. so i lean on him.

and i lean into him. i choose not only to lean because i have to (confronted with my neediness), but also because i want to. i lean in, even when life isn't hard. i lean in because i desire him, because i love his presence.