Naming the Kids

Often choosing a soon-to-be-born baby’s name can create quite a stir. Parents determined to find the perfect name for their little one spend hours researching names and their meanings. In the Bible, names were often symbolic of a person’s character. God even several times changed a person’s name to indicate a personal transformation (Abram to Abraham, Jacob to Israel, Simon to Peter, and Saul to Paul). Clearly, the names we choose for our children are important. Names are a declaration of destiny.

However, we often forget the significance of “everyday names.” An “everyday name” is not the name you’d put on an official paper for the doctor’s office or elementary school. It’s not even your thought-through nickname. But you may mutter it under your breath or use it while telling your friends your parenting woes.

We have all heard it. Many of us do it—in the heat of the moment—without even realizing it. “My daughter is so stubborn. She never listens.” “That boy is so lazy. He’s never going to amount to much.” “Why do you have to be so....” And so forth. Yet God says that life and death are in the power of the tongue (see Prov. 18:21). In other words, we truly name our children over and over by the words we say about them on a day-to-day basis—by the adjectives we use to describe them.

Do you want to see good things in your children’s lives? Do you want them to succeed? I’m sure you do. So ask the Lord to give you His heart for them and to allow you to see pieces of their destiny. Ask Him how He will use particular aspects of their personalities for His glory. Then speak to and about your children accordingly. God has given us the power to create realities with our words. Every morning, speak out their destinies; it will change their lives (and yours). Here is an example from my life with my children.

I thank You, God, that my children are lovers of You. They are full of peace and joy, they are kind to others, and they are receptive to truth. I thank You for their sensitivity—that You are teaching them to hear Your voice, to understand spiritual matters, and to have Your heart for others. Thank You for the determined spirit in them, that You are training them to have unflinching, bold, risky faith in You and to accomplish much for Your Kingdom! Amen.

in His image

“In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth...” (Genesis 1:1).

“Then God said, ‘Let Us make man in Our image...’” (Genesis 1:26).

In the Bible, the first thing we learn about God is that He is creative—the Creator of all. God could have started the Bible (the revelation of Himself to us) with any of His attributes—His sovereignty, His omniscience, His power, His glory—yet He chose to highlight His creativity.

The first thing we learn about humanity is that we are made in God’s image. In Genesis chapter 1, all that God has revealed of Himself thus far is that He is creative (though His attributes are many). Thus, we can learn that not only are we made to be creative, but that it is a very significant part of our humanity.

For busy people, it is easy to forget our need to create. If you're a busy stay-at-home-mom like you, you may think, I’ve procreated... and now I have no time for anything else! But Genesis 1 tells us that creativity is an essential part of our humanity and our relationship with God—and we are more alive when we live “in His image.”

I certainly have seen this in small ways in my own life. I am a poet; I love both reading and writing. I also am fascinated with cooking and baking. Successfully preparing a new, fantastically tasty dish makes me almost ecstatic, especially if it looks beautiful too! Your creative outlets may be different. Perhaps you love painting or organizing or scrapbooking or building car models or rearranging your furniture...the options are myriad.

Engaging in small acts of creativity renews my excitement for life, my sense of fulfillment, and my connection to God—the Creator! It also increases my ability to connect with my husband and children because I am more alive myself and because I begin to draw out creativity in them as well.

Here’s my challenge to you: Find a small act of creativity that you enjoy and that realistically fits with your schedule, and then do it wholeheartedly and regularly! God will meet you in it, and you will be a more joyful and fulfilled person because of it!

our reward

We live in a culture that believes, at its core, that children are a burden rather than a blessing. Don’t believe me? Consider how quick people are to suggest postponing parenthood—wait until you are more financially stable, give yourselves some time to just enjoy being married, pursue your career for a while first, and so forth. While all these pursuits are valuable and valid, my point is that they betray a belief that children keep us from enjoying life to the fullest. They suck up our financial resources, place strain on our romance, and distract from our professional success.

At least, that’s what the world thinks. And for a long time, though I may not have put it in exactly those terms, I believed it too. If I was honest, I wasn’t really sure I wanted to have kids. And if I was really, really honest, it was because of how much it would cost me. (Fortunately, God changed my heart!)

God thinks differently than we do. Look what He says about children: “Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb is a reward” (Psalm 127:3). This doesn’t apply only to children born in ideal circumstances, but to all children. He names all children, reward! That is strong language!

I believe being a parent is the hardest job. Ever. In the middle of the stress, it’s easy to forget that I’m handling precious material—my rewards. It’s easy to be frustrated, to lose my cool, to obsess over household activities, to complain about my daughter’s attitude or my son’s aggression—really, to forget the incredible value intrinsic in each of these little people running around my home.

It’s like I’ve won the lottery. And my prize is three (so far!) unique, made-in-the-image-of-God children. God is trusting me with His rewards, trusting me to shape them gently, to love them into greatness in Him. What an incredible prize; what an unbelievable honor!

breaking it down

in my last post i talked about fasting from negativity. it sounds simple enough, right? but when i first tried to implement it in my life, i ran into a problem. if i wasn’t saying anything negative, how did i talk about difficult situations? what should i say when someone did something hurtful or when i’d had a rough day? or should i say nothing at all? how could i avoid negativity without faking it?

i realized i did not have a clear definition for negative speech. but God, in His grace, has since helped me to identify two levels of negativity that have illumined my way forward.

level 1: basic negativity

this is what we initially think of as negative speech (“i hate when it rains”; “his shirt is so weird”; “the pastor really missed it today in church”; and so forth). fighting this sort of negativity is simple. keep your mouth shut. no one needs to know your opinion on the rain, that man’s shirt, or the pastor’s sermon. you are offering completely unnecessary information. even better–find something positive to say. if you must comment, then say something about how the rain will help the farmers or bring cooler weather. tell me that you appreciate the diversity God’s created within us. remind me of the grace with which the pastor serves God and his people.

level 2: hard times negativity

this is where my struggle arose. i didn’t understand that most of us are negative about our difficult situations because we are controlled by our emotional responses (and not in control of them). for example, if someone asks about my day, and it’s been a rough one, i can say “my day sucked!” or i can say, “i’ve had a hard day.” do you see the difference?

the first response is emotionally-driven and is barfing blame on others or on the situation. the second response does not deny the reality of a hard day, but is mature enough to omit the emotional mess (submit it to the Spirit) and own the responsibility of the personal pronoun. sometimes our negativity is fostered by a victim mentality. negativity is a “victim’s” mother tongue. when we believe ourselves captive to our situations, we do not acknowledge that we always choose our response and that we can blame no one but ourselves, no matter how horrible our situation. in the same way, when we recognize the power God has given us to choose His attitudes, to be content in all things, we find the freedom of positive words.

for most of us, this will mean radical change. it will not be easy. we are so used to cozying up with negative and critical words. we find a certain comfort in it. but negativity will compromise the Lord’s destiny for your life. so ask God for creative ideas for how to express truthfully, yet positively, the difficult elements of your life. (This will also come in very handy during conflict and confrontation.)

He is the most creative person in the universe, and He made you in His image. you have within you the seeds of creativity, so use them to find your positive words. no longer do you need to deflect to boring and unimaginative negative words. no, you are free and powerful; you have the mind of Christ.

fasting forward

we often think of fasting in the context of food, but the sort of fast i am about to propose is much more difficult (in my opinion) than any food fast. i propose a negativity fast.

initially this may not seem so hard to you. but try it. see how long you can go without saying something negative or critical. five minutes? ten minutes? if you’re really good, maybe 15? (or if you’re sleeping or completely alone…) hopefully the realization of your propensity toward negativity is sobering. as christians we like to think we’re pretty good people, but God doesn’t say much good about negative and critical people.

Ephesians 4:29 says, “Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear” (NASB).

If our positive words literally impart grace to people, as this verse indicates, then we can assume that our negative words hinder or even remove grace from the hearers. grace is God’s empowerment to live in victory; it’s what enables us to live in the Spirit and to embrace God’s ways and thoughts. hindering grace in our own lives or someone else’s is no joking matter.

No wonder God refers to negative words throughout the Bible as “curses.” our words really do impart life or death to the people and situations we encounter (see Prov. 18:21).

so here’s my challenge. commit yourself to a life-long negativity fast. sure, you’ll mess up plenty of times, but at least you’ll be actively fighting the current of our culture and human nature. at least you’ll have a high bar to reach for rather than simply living at status quo. challenge yourself to speak words that impart grace. imagine the difference it would make in your relationships if you always spoke words designed to build up and encourage (even in confrontation).

the possibility truly is heaven on earth! when you live with heaven’s attitudes (blessing rather than cursing, grace rather than condemnation), live as Bill Johnson says “from heaven toward earth,” you will bring the realities of heaven into your earthly relationships and circumstances.

this really could be life-changing.

saint theresa and me

This sculpture, the Ecstasy of Saint Theresa, by Bernini, has touched me more deeply than any other piece of visual art (I know little about art from a technical standpoint and offer here only my unprofessional observations).

For me, this sculpture has always stood as an invitation. It is like a good mystery. There she is, in rapture, but how did she get there? What does it feel like? Can she see the angel, feel the arrow of divine love? Does she recover? After how long?

And what about me? What would I do in the same situation? Is such an encounter possible for me? Do I even desire it? Would I run, or would I let the arrow pierce me, come what may?

One thing is sure; her rapture was so great that it is now memorialized in a chapel in Rome. in a sense, her rapture (the signifier) is unending here, just as it is in Heaven.

it calls to me now. and i would like to be so open.

ideas or encounter?

in my last post i discussed the importance of spending daily time with God. perhaps you wonder what that should look like. or maybe you'd tell me you already tried it... and it was absolutely boring. or maybe you don't want to believe it's boring because that shames your religious ideals, but your experience (and inability to stick with it) testify to a different story.

so i must clarify.

when i say, "spend time with God" i do not mean, "think about God" or "read about God." when i spend time with my husband, he's in the room and we're communicating and connecting at a heart level. it should be no different with God. rather, it should be deeper.

but if you grew up in the church, you have most likely been taught to relate to God with your mind, not your heart... and certainly not your spirit. The problem is that God's mind is very different from ours (see Isaiah 55:8-9). Repeatedly the Bible speaks of a reformation in our minds:

"And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect. " (Romans 12:2)

this verse demonstrates the problem with mind-driven "time with God." our minds (until they are renewed) are conformed to this world. that does not refer simply to immoral thoughts, but also to sins like unbelief or reliance on human reasoning. the second half of the verse says we will only know God's will when we have transcended our carnal way of thinking, our human unbelief and logic, through the renewing of our minds. clearly, if we hope to walk with God, this renewing is of utmost urgency.

in First Corinthians 2:16, Paul says that "...We have the mind of Christ." that is our goal. First Corinthians 2 is all about refusing to rely on human wisdom, but relying instead on the Spirit--both power and spiritual wisdom. that's what it means to have the mind of Christ. literally, it means being so connected to Heaven that we allow our thoughts and ways of thinking to be overcome by His. then we, like Jesus, begin to only say and do what we see and hear from the Father (see John 5:19).

so let's get practical. what does this mean for your time with God? i am not advocating no more Bible reading. the Bible is an essential tool in renewing our minds, and we need to read it every day. but we must do more than read, study, and think. we must welcome a spirit-to-spirit encounter with God.

Jesus said, "...And he who loves Me will be loved by My Father, and I will love him and manifest Myself to him.”

invite the Holy Spirit to manifest (reveal) Jesus to you. then wait. wait until you encounter God. you may not feel anything physically or receive a deep revelation, but you will know when you've encountered God because you will be changed. Second Corinthians 3:18 says, "But we all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as from the Lord, the Spirit." When we encounter Him, we are changed, and we become more like Him.

don't settle for less than a daily encounter. only in His presence is the fullness of joy (see Psalm 16:11). only in encountering Him do we find the love, the wisdom, the power needed for a victorious life.